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| "Disturbing Perfection: All I see is UGLY" |
The highlight (and lowlight) of this episode was the moment where Gaby's mom emotionally exclaimed that "she just wanted her (Gaby) to be perfect". After picking my jaw up from my chest, I was pretty speechless for a few minutes. However, after those moments passed, I realized the solution was pretty clear: the pressure the mother puts on her daughter to lose the weight, combined with the enabling of the mother with nutrition choices, was the key to her failure.
Now, I'm not a father just yet, but I have worked with probably over a thousand adult parents in my career so far and have learned tidbits here and there, listened to some pretty shocking stories, but most of all, I have heard more "my child can do this already" and "my child is already reading in the 90th percentile" and "my 9 year old's 40 time is the fastest on the team". Our children are capable of understanding the so-called importance we are placing on them. They simply feel the pressure (and the subsequent heartbreak) to STAY in that group as if it's their job.
We are talking about them to our peers and treating them as if they are adults trapped in a small body. I'm all for being a "proud parent" when the time comes, but I don't plan on tracking my child's progress in all aspects of development from homeroom to the hockey rink, making sure that he/she can keep up with what a "9 year old is supposed to be doing". I plan on simply keeping a watchful eye. I will watch my child develop. I will participate in their development and when I notice something that is noteworthy (no matter how big or small) they will be commended for it with a simple smile and a high five.
Simply put, I want to create an environment for my child and the children I'm able to work with through my career, where making sure they are developing at the same rate as everyone around them is not the ONLY yardstick available to them. I will let them know their strengths and weaknesses, but not hone completely in on what holds them back. Putting so much focus on something like that only shines the brightest of bright lights on it, making it even more difficult to overcome.
Earlier in my coaching career, one of my favorite phrases was: "I'm going to figure out your weaknesses, and focus in on them until they are your strengths." I still actively enjoy that phrase, however, I use it much more sparingly than I used to. I'm basically saying, "Okay Johnny (9 year old), you suck at lateral movement completely, and every time you see my face you will be reminded of that fact."
Now, I simply don't spotlight the negative message so much. Even if it's indirect. If my client says, "Well I look like a whale and people make fun of me", my response is, "I bet you can squat more than they can."
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| Frank Forencich of Exuberant Animal leads the gang through "physical happiness." |
My new phrase that I have become very confident and comfortable with in training people goes as follows:
"I bring a 50/50 relationship to the table. For the most part, 50% of what we do together is stuff that you enjoy and brings sweat and a smile to your face, and the other 50% is going to be the stuff that you don't necessarily know you need to work on."
No one is perfect. And it seems to me that society tends to dislike people that come across perfect, so what's the rush to get to this so-called "Perfection"?
Be possibly the one person in your client's life that brings them joy, confidence, and physical interaction. What we do is 'personal' training, so be personal. Interact. Lead. Encourage. Move Together.
"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing". - Harriet Braiker
Finish With Action,
Bill
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